Saturday, July 30, 2011

How to Annoy People in an Elevator

This was originally a semi chain email bratling #1 sent to me because she found it amusing. I agreed, and decided I should share, as well, but would rather do it in a different format than just forwarding it to a bunch of people. (Besides, I don't have email addresses for some of the people I knew might be interested.)

WARNING: I am basically copy/pasting the whole wall o' text list, word for word, without fixing anything, mostly because I'm not feeling well, and don't have the energy to deal with attempting to give it proper spellchecking and formatting right now, but I wanted to get it out there, since enough of you expressed interest.

If anyone actually wants to do the work, and send me a spellchecked, non-wall o' text version, I will gladly replace this version, and give you all due credit for the the editorial work.

Oh - for anyone wondering about whether or not I'll be posting a writeup about Humanoids from the Deep, I'm still considering it, I'm just, as I mentioned earlier, not feeling well; and I haven't figured out what, exactly, to write yet. I'm sure it will require warnings of several kinds.

Anyway, here's the list:

How to Annoy People in an Elevator

Act like a dog, growl at people.
Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!”
Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty--cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Budda.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!" to the tune of "camp town lady".....pause.....repeat....continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don't use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Wear a Santa June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now... motion sickness!”
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it...quick!” then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.

Monday, July 25, 2011

*cue mysterious music*

After the red paper hat mystery, follows the green.

Found an identical green hat on the table last night. Bratlings are gone. Fairies, maybe?

(Sorry, no pics this time. Did not have the phone on me, and by the time I remembered to bring it out, the hat was gone. o.o)

Friday, July 22, 2011

I do love a good glittering...

Movies With a Bratling

I've been making a habit the last couple weeks of watching a movie most every night with Bratling #1.

We started off with Kevin Smith movies, specifically the View Askewniverse Jay and Silent Bob stuff. (Mallrats, Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks II.)

She found enjoyable bits in each movie, being greatly amused by things like Brodie and TS hijacking the stage of the Dating Game clone gameshow that Brandi's dad was holding in Mallrats, and the hockey on the roof scene in Clerks... she cringed at all of Holden's stupidity in Chasing Amy, and she tells me that after seeing Dogma, she will never look at Snape the same way again. (Alan Rickman plays the Metatron in Dogma, and Snape in HP, in case anyone out there doesn't actually know this little fact.)

She loved just about everything about Jay and Silent Bob strike back, though she did facepalm at some of Jay's less than sparkling behavior. When we watched Clerks II, she thoroughly enjoyed it, though she did hide her face during the donkey scene, until I pointed out that they don't actually SHOW anything.

Watching the series together led to some interesting questions, but nothing I wasn't already prepared to handle, knowing full well what was in the movies, and being that I have made a habit of honestly answering awkward type questions from her. (Including "Mommy, what's a lesbian?" at age four. The answer, of course was, "Lesbians are women who love each other like mommy and daddy do.")

And yes, in case you're wondering, she is mature enough to sit and watch these movies with me. I know exactly what she is capable of handling.

On the nights when we've finished a movie early enough that there is still time before bedtime, we've added Big O to the mix, which is an awesome anime that is best described as Batman with giant robots. (Or mecha, for those familiar with anime.) She's been loving on that, too. She agrees with Dorothy that Roger can occasionally be a louse, she adores Norman, and is suspicious of Angel. (As well she should be- Angel is not nearly so angelic as her name, after all...)

We finished with the Kevin Smith films a couple nights ago. Last night, we moved on to Dirty Dancing, which is one of the few 'chick flicks' I can stand. She adored it. She cheered for Baby when she poured water on Robbie the creep, and told me after that she'd always loved the song at the end before, but loved it even more now. Oddly enough, the movie provided us with fodder for a few small discussions regarding the history of the time the movie was set in, specifically the way women were treated then, what was expected of them, and touching on a few other events, such as the monks who burned themselves in protest during the vietnam war era, and a couple of things about the civil rights movement.

Tonight, we went back to kiddie stuff, and watched Scooby Doo on Zombie Island. I used to have this on VHS when she was little, so she's seen it before. We sang along with the songs during the monster montage and the big chase scene, and joked around, and she wondered why it is that Scooby never seemed to dislike cats before or after this movie, then decided that it must have been that the cats here were evil. It was fun, and silly, and we had a good time.

I was surprised by the unusual opportunities some of the movies have provided for deeper, more serious discussion, but it was a good surprise.

Of course, I wouldn't necessarily recommend watching some of the movies we watched for just anyone to watch with their kids, even if their kids are bratling #1's age. It all depends on the comfort level of the parents in question, and the maturity level of the kids. Your mileage may vary, as they say.

As for me, I've definitely enjoyed this, and I plan to do it more often. It's not like there's a shortage of things for us to watch together and talk about. We just need to get some popcorn in the future.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Red Paper Hat

There is, inexplicably, a red paper hat on the kitchen counter.
No rhyme or reason to this, really...

When last I checked the kitchen, the bratlings were all abed, and no sign they have been up between now and then. Yet somehow...

This paper hat was created, and found it's way to the kitchen counter.

Did the cats do this perhaps, or a ghost...?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Trigun Movie

 Before I get started, I have to ask that anyone who leaves a comment with spoilery info would please add an all caps warning about it at the top of their comment before they say anything else, to allow people who don't want to see the opportunity to scroll on by.

I had the opportunity to see Trigun: Badlands Rumble on Saturday. I want to gush all over it, both because I love Trigun, and because the movie was good, but I've been having trouble figuring out a whole lot to say that won't spoiler it for anyone.

From what I've read, only one of the original voice actors came back. I'm not really sure how well the new guys did, because the version that was showing near me was subbed, not dubbed. I hope they did well, because I plan to buy it when it's released on disc in September; and since my first experience with Trigun was the dubbed version on Adult Swim, I'm kind of spoiled.

Also, I'm guessing that this is either set somewhere in the middle of the series, or is going to be the jumping off point for a reboot, due to the status of certain characters, and a few other things.

Now, on to my actual reactions to the movie.

First thing I will say is that this movie was like one long episode of Trigun. They didn't make the mistake I've seen other anime movies make, and create something totally out of left field, breaking canon and making stuff up as they go along. It wasn't boring, either. The other mistake I've seen made on occasion, when they do stay true to canon, is that it feels like an episode that's dragging on waaay too long. Not so here. There were plenty of laughs, and lots of action to keep me entertained.

Vash was... well, Vash. If you're a Trigun fan, you know what I mean. Impossible to describe him to an outsider, really, except to say he's both the comedy and the awesome, all wrapped up into one.

Meryl was exasperated, as usual, and Millie was her typical, giant, adorable self.

It was lovely to see Wolfwood again, I missed him ever so much.

By the way, in case anyone actually wonders or cares, this movie totally passes the Bechdel test, mostly because of Meryl and Millie, and all their talk about statues and insurance, and their jobs (which have to do with insurance,) and food, and when they DO talk about men, it's not in a romantic way, at all. The other major female character is a bit obssessed with a certain male, but again, it has nothing to do with romance, and everything to do with her (self-appointed) job. The female NPC's were also complicit in this, talking about important things like survival, and a in one instance, a patient she was trying to save.

Huh. Apparently I had plenty to say that wasn't spoilery, after all. Yay me.

Now for the rest.


For those of you who don't mind spoilers, keep right on reading. Everyone else, scroll past this to the comments section, or go ahead and close this tab, if you don't feel like commenting. This is mostly just a random list of some of my reactions to certain events in the movie, anyway.

I'm still wondering if Vash was actually attracted to Amelia, or if it was an act. You never really know with him, do you?

It really made me sooo happy to see Wolfwood alive. I cried so hard when he died in the series. He wasn't my favorite character, but I was still incredibly attached. Hell, I was attached to all four of them. (Though I at least somewhat suspect my extreme sadness when Wolfwood died was because of poor Millie... *wibbles*)

I don't know about you, but I was just WAITING for Vash to show back up after he "died." I mean, I just knew he was going to reappear in some suitably comedic manner. I was not disappointed in the least, and Wolfwood's threat to beat him up later for it was the perfect touch.

They did add in the usual gag about the sling for Millie's gun breaking, but it kind of bothered me that the girls never saw any real action. I mean, I know they're not really meant to be fighters, but it would have been kinda cool to see them get a few shots in.

Love, love, LOVED the barfight scene. Hilarious.

And finally... the REALLY BIG spoiler... (like the biggest of the whole movie, so be warned...)

I'm sure there are going to be people laughing their asses off at me for this, but... I was absolutely shocked when I realised Amelia was his daughter. I was like, "No way..." and my eyes got all big.

Bunny, however, knew almost the whole time. (As per usual with Bunny- every time we go to a movie, he figures out the twist light years before it's revealed.) As we were driving home, I said, "You knew she was his daughter, didn't you?" He looked kind of sheepish and wary as he affirmed that he had. (I've given him reason in the past to be wary about revealing that fact- namely, my tendency to get Very Annoyed when I find out he already knew what shocked me.)

I asked him how he figured it out, and he pointed out that there were a good few visual clues. Her height, her hair color, the style of hat she wore... when I thought back on all of it, I had to admit he was right, those were fairly good clues.

And now that I've rambled on for a good long while about this, it's time to wrap up the post.

Please remember, if your comment has spoilers in it, to include a warning at the top. Thanks.